More worrying?

Wini: Hubby, how come the visa department hasn't given us our visas yet?

Tim: They did say it would take 3-6 months. How long has it been?

Wini: A month and a half.

Tim: (Looking Shocked) Oh No! The aligators must have gotten to them!

(joke from previous post; Warrior or worrier?)

Angel in the night

Last night I went for discipleship and I parked my car by the side of road, on a rocky ground.

It was almost about 10:40pm when I was trying to leave. When I tried to reverse....the car couldn't move. My front tyre was stuck in amongst the rocks. Fear came over me. It was dark and there weren't many people around. I didn't dare to get out of the car.

The first thought was to call Tim. Then I thought NO..I got to pray. So I prayed..then I picked up the phone to call Tim.

Suddenly, 'an angel' appeared. To me he was an angel. He is a nice looking middle aged Chinese guy (with a belly and balding though). He was smiling at me and signalled that he would fix it for me. I still didn't open the window and was still a little scared but I could feel a great sense of peace coming over me. He bent down did something and signalled for me to reverse...and hey! My tyre was free.

My 'angel' even stopped the traffic for me to reverse onto the main road. He must have known I was a little shaken and would have forgotten how to fight my way into the main road again. I wanted to say thanks but cars were behind me and I had to go..and he had walked away. What a sweet man.

My point: GOD'S FAITHFULNESS! He reminded me to pray, I prayed and He sent an angel. Thank you for loving me so much, God :)

Warrior or worrier?

Again..a bit of background; I tend to worry.

Well I was talking to Tim while falling asleep.

Wini: Hubby, what if our second baby has colic as well? (Matt had colic and that made his first few months very challenging)

Tim: What if an alligator from Mongolia gets on a plane, comes here and eats us all up?

hahahahahahahaha

Wini: But the probability of our second baby having colic is 1:2. He either has colic or he doesn't!

Tim: (trying to compose himself after laughing hysterically) You know nothing about probability! You are basically saying that the possibility of getting a 3 when rolling a dice is 1:2. You either get a 3 or not!

(Sorry if you don't get the joke..geek joke)

Thought the following song really fits.. 'Anyway' by Martina McBride



So we shall ask for another baby anyway :)

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Matthew 6:27)

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matt 6:31-34)
~
Learn Wini Learn Already!

When tragedy strikes

When something bad happens, our natural tendency is to rationalize it. Find reasons for it. I guess it's because it helps to process the pain when we have reasons for it. When we know why.

But I've learnt and have decided. I do not need an explanation from God as to why things happen. I know for a fact that He loves me. That He has his reasons. That it hurts Him when it hurts me. That I can trust His reasons to be great reasons.

I may shaken and I may question God..and I will cry and get a little depressed but...

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. (Habakkuk 3:17-18)

(written in memory of Prescott Heron, our baby taken to be with the Lord at the 8th week of pregnancy in 2004)

Unfulfilled....

Lately, I have been talking to a few friends who desire to have children but seemingly unable to conceive (yet). Also, received the news of a very beloved sister of mine who has just lost her pregnancy of a set twins. One lost her baby after she had been born and fought to live for 2 months. One has given birth to her baby and hangs onto the hope that her baby will grow well as he has also been fighting to live (and has been winning all the way). My heart goes out to each of these girls.

Many people do not understand what it feels like for a woman to not have children no matter how hard she tries. How the heart pounds waiting for the appearance of the second line on the pregnancy test that never comes.

Many people do not know what it feels like for someone to lose a pregnancy. Or when she has given birth and yet hopes her baby will win the fight to live. Some give them spiritual advice, some practical advice and some mere words (sorry if this offends anyone) A lot of these 'help' given don't help much. I know this because I am one of those girls.

However, ever since having Matthew, things have changed. I'm fulfilled, happy and content. I'm writing this now as my heart aches for these girls.

Many give advice and end it with a wonderful final advice coated with a hint of judgement. As if it's so wrong for us not to be content..as if it's wrong for us to desire for a baby..as if we do not know what it means to trust the Lord.

Let me give you some examples of unhelpful advice (often given out of good intentions):
- Maybe God wants you to have spiritual children instead
- Maybe it's not God's will
- Maybe you do not have enough faith to believe
- Maybe you will have children in 20 years time....God just wants to teach you to wait.
- Maybe God will only give you children when you've learnt to be content

Note: These advice may carry truth! But if that's the case, let God speak to the girl..don't just say it with a 'maybe' thinking we will feel better.

And we believe it. We struggle with the 'guilt of not being content'. We ask ourselves..shouldn't we surrender and be happy? and yet it's a reality that we desire so much, think so much of having a baby.

That guilt is sometimes covered in shame of not being able to be a 'true woman' as other women all around us pop out babies and it looks so easy for them. Then we feel even more guilty that we cry when our friends have babies. It's not that we don't want them to have children..it's just that we want them too.

That shame sometimes get covered in anger that those who abort their babies, dump their babies are given babies and yet we who want them do not get them. We question God and that leads to even more guilt...we start thinking that it's true that we lack faith...and it goes on and on.

If you know of someone like us..please...have compassion, pray for us and believe with us that we will have children...Stand with us in faith for children. That's what we want and need. We need people to say 'When you have children...' and not 'if you have children...' Do not give advice if you do not feel for us..Love us..Pray for us...and BELIEVE with us.

If you're reading this and you're one of us. Do not give up! Pray (with faith- believing it), take care of your body, ahemm..do the right thing: make love..Do not give up in your heart. If you get your period this month..it's OK..cry if you need to. Choose to love and praise God despite that. Don't beat yourself up for it either. Then try again next month. Keep at it. if you're open to adoption. Ask God to provide. I believe you will have children. I stand with you in prayer.

I have a list of those I'm praying and they know they are on my list. If you're not, and want to be on it, let me know and I will pray for you too and believe with you.

Finally, know that God loves you as much as He loves the women with children.

Matthew's first birthday party @ my parents' house in KK

Our Gorgeous Birthday Boy :)

Facepainting (and bodypainting) + balloons sculpting (resulting in balloon sword fights) + toys all over the floor + mango pudding (sugar)+ chocolate cake (more sugar) + lots of young kids + in a cramped area = Screaming, jumpy kids = CRAZY CHAOS! but fun chaos :)